Archive for In the Hood

Where My Girls At? Images of Black Girls and Girls of Color in Media

So, I shared before how I’d had the distinct honor to attend the Oprah Winfrey Network Doc Club screening of MissRepresentationand its subsequent taped discussion on the Rosie Show. The reviews have been phenomenal and garnered lots of calls for action. I absolutely loved the doc. It served the purpose media, especially documentaries, have to not only call attention to an issue, but empower as well.

MissRepresentation’s overall premise is familiar to most, yet the critical component is the campaign to strategically use information as teachable moments. This will definitively build a movement to change the portrayal of women by/in the media. What’s more amazing is that the film is a catalyst for funding organizations such as the Women’s Media Center to continue the discourse, advocacy, media literacy and research. Simply powerful.

While watching, I was hard pressed to keep track of all the fascinating and inspiring quotes.

Pat Mitchell, President and CEO for Media Former President & CEO of PBS shared this insight, “The media is the message and the messenger, and increasingly a powerful one.”

“You can’t be what you can’t see,”  was a quote from Marie Wilson, founding President White House Project

And though I sought us out, I must say the lack of diversity and representation of Black women and girls beyond the narrow lens of reality TV, albeit the mainstream go –tos like Miss Winfrey and Soledad O’Brien, was obvious.

It was only when I heard the reference to symbolic annihilation that the documentary fully resonated with me and connected to what is my life’s work; empowering girls like me in urban America to use critical analysis to navigate beyond media and cultural messages. Girls Like me who are portrayed as “bad girls”, violent, angry, poor, uneducated, low-class and “ghetto.” Black women who are “successful” or who meet the standards of beauty are held up as seemingly novelties, with no connection to urban America.

So as soon as Rosie invited questions from the audience, I jumped to speak to that point. In the midst of a studio full of white women, I could feel the discomfort in the room as soon as the words came from my mouth. But it is a necessary conversation, and if we are to truly tackle media’s exploitation and misrepresentation of women, there must be intentional inclusion of perspective from all women, pointedly those who have the least voice in shaping their own stories in the mainstream.

Carol Jenkins, journalist, producer, and founding President of the Women’s Media Center gave such a poignant response that penetrates to the very essence of why this matters so much. Watch our exchange in this video:

<iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”http://www.youtube.com/embed/AU_rJWQJP6E&#8221; frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen>

Still, a few days prior to the MissRepresentation screening one of the oldest and most prominent girl-focused organizations hosted a Twitter chat on media images and girls. I noticed there and in  other arenas exploring the topic, somehow race and culture are skirted around. This troubles me.

What about you… do you agree race and culture belong in this conversation? What are the media images that you most connect/resist? Are they tied to you as a woman or to your experience as a fill in the blank woman

It apparently troubled others like Bessie Akuba Winn-Afeku, founder of She is Me Program. Now we have both linked arms to collaborate and host a Twitter chat dedicated to examining the images of girls of color in media and to offer best practices that resist stereotypes, empowering girls to create their own messages.

That is the goal of #girlsmediachat which will take place on Twitter Thursdays, 8p CST, beginning Nov. 3.  We hope you will join us, share your perspective, recommend guests/topics, and invite others.

Follow us on Twitter

Girls Like Me

She is Me Program   

Please share and follow the hashtag #Girlsmediachat

Also, MissRepresentation is now a movement. Take a moment to take the pledge to join the fight!

Missrepresentation—what we need to see on TV!

As soon as the link popped into my Twitter timeline, I was compelled to see what MissRepresentation was all about. I watched the trailer and immediately recognized this documentary was speaking to me, about me and for me. For goodness sake, what woman has not felt slighted and exploited by media because of her gender? In today’s society one of the most powerful forces in the universe, feminine energy and perspective, are discounted and played cheap by media powers that be.

But I think the world had better get ready to reckon with women everywhere as Missrepresentation has remixed our view, put the spotlight where it belongs. The film made its debut at the 2011 Sundance Film Festival and was subsequently picked up by the mighty Oprah Winfrey Network as a part of its documentary Club. Before January 2011, there has not been a space for this kind of film on network television. That is not until a woman owned a television network. Marinate on that thought and absorb the powerful impact…

I can hardly express how excited I was when I was invited to screen the film on the Rosie O’Donnell Show, taped here in Chicago at Harpo Studios. Without giving away too much, I will say the statistics that are revealed in the film, the incredible testimonies, pull you out of the graphic haze of American media. It forces us as viewers to give a critical eye to the portrayal of women in the media and how this shapes our society.

Missrepresentation is a conversation-starter. Yet, beyond the revelations, shocking stats and information, the take away is that everyone who watches will have clear direction on next steps. It is a film that empowers with the knowledge and belief that we can make a difference to change the media landscape to be better for our daughters and future generations of boys and girls alike. Each viewer understands it is our individual responsibility to do so.

So much of the film resonated with me, but more than anything there was a phrase from one of the doc’s sources. It struck me and held me captive. It is because of the implications of this phrase is what pushed me to create my program Girls Like Me. I caught my breath in an Oprah “aha moment,” that I’d been given a name, a way to articulate what I have felt since I was a little girl watching television.

It was so powerful for me, that I jumped up to ask the first question when Rosie opened the floor to the audience. If I don’t get left on the editor’s cutting floor, you’ll be able to hear for yourself what struck me so.

Still, my question is but among the millions you and others will have after watching. I know you will hear the call of action, too. So take a moment to view the trailer, then be sure to tune in to OWN, Thursday, October 20 at 9/8 CST. I can’t wait for us to watch it collectively and move the discussion forward!

In the meantime, take the first steps in challenging the media’s portrayal of women:

Like the MissRepresentation FB page

Follow MissRepresentation on Twitter

Now take the pledge to represent!

Occupy Wall Street Head Count: Who’s representing the 99?

For weeks now I’ve been observing Occupy Wall Street along with the rest of the world. I’ve sat back, a bit stand-offish, watching my Twitter timeline, news and the internet pulsing while I just try to grasp who/what this movement is about. True to my character, I’m always down for some opposition to any form of oppression and the status quo. The momentum OWS has created can only be attributed to the disenchantment of the American people. So in principle, #OWS has my moral support. But…

For one thing, I read an article which was bemoaning appearances of solidarity from entertainers such as Kanye West, but lauded that of others. The main gripe was that Kanye flaunts his material possessions in his music and dresses rather flamboyantly. Hmmm. Even as I consider all of this, I have to recognize Kanye is in no way comparatively as wealthy as billionaire bankers or those who own the media companies which distribute his music.

So, if Kanye is not a part of the 99% because he is rich today, then who makes up the 99%. Is there a certain income bracket that qualifies in that number? I have to ask. If rappers or athletes who grew up in poverty are now not allowed to represent for that faction, who gets to make that call. Who is setting the bar for the 99%?

See, I still need clarity on a few other things like the vision of outcomes. For me, growing up poor, I need to connect a few things. I need tangible follow up actions and demands that impacts the working class and the poor.

Now, I understand what it means to have presence in a march and/or demonstration, still what are the demands/action plan beyond that? What are the desired outcomes?

Because honestly vacant houses, evictions, no access to preventive health care and jobs, compounded by the shittiest education in the world has been reality of many Americans.

I mean, clearly, Katrina aftermath painted the picture of a huge percentage overlooked in the equation of slices cut from the American pie.

And while there may be those who require statistics to relate to the way poverty and systematic injustice crushes a large percentage of us, there are those who are living it. Everyday… for generations. Among that class of people, mortgages, 401Ks, college tuition, jobs are as familiar as Mars water. I mean, there’s some talk of it all, but the likelihood of experiencing any of it is yet a distant possibility in their lifetime.

This is what I am closest to. More than those who work on Wall Street, and little more than those who are typically identified as the middle class, I can relate to the working class and poor.

And many among us are asking the questions. If the 99% are rising up now, did they not feel any outrage or cause to do so after Katrina or perhaps at the fallacy of our education system- the perpetual pipeline to prisons that also profits not only corporations but middle class law enforcement personnel and rural blue collar towns across this country?

Isn’t it natural to look for the thread, feel compelled by a need to understand how #OWS trickles down to folks who are truly at the bottom, those who have been systematically locked out?

It begs the question, is there a flaw in the mathematics of the 99%?

Historically, working class/poor have ALWAYS marched and protested. Let us not ignore the history lesson of poor Blacks. We lead full revolutions that benefit America, yet marginalize us in terms of policy and systematic injustices.

They may not feel inclined to join the current “struggle.” Perhaps they have a hard time occupying anything when they have to report to a job everyday that only pays minimum wage with no benefits in which to take off to occupy a doctor’s office with their very sick child poses a calculated, catch 20/20 decision. Perhaps they want to join, but must occupy the home registered to the ankle bracelet they are forcibly wearing due to house arrest. Or maybe, even, they cannot afford bus fare to ride to the areas where the occupation is taking place in their cities. These maybes are very real for many. Can you relate to that?

Now don’t misread my commentary. There are those who believe as I do, that it is not cool to allow anyone else to fight your battles. We want nothing more than to take our swing in the ring with institutionalized injustice and systemic oppression.

Still there is the quandary: if we go all in, will we be invited to the table when they slice the pie or will get the traditional crumbs?

I’ll admit, #OWS has my admiration and appreciation. There is power in its symbolism.

And while, I am still left with doubts of how things will play out for poor Blacks in the hood, it pleased me to see this well stated article that addressed some of my concerns. And this one really is impressive.

What about you? Do you think Americans can side step historical context of racial oppression and how it feeds the system to unite in a fight that revolutionizes our country in a way it has not since the Revolutionary War?

And I promise not to sit idly by waiting to see, I’ll join and give support (resources/expertise). On the other hand though, the Black hand side, I’ll keep posing these questions.

While we’re contemplating, these maybe convincing for some

Perhaps if our President moved beyond rhetoric and offered decisive leadership, the movement would swell to a full-blown revolution. Maybe….

Lambs among wolves: Blind generalizations hurt all our youth

The other morning, I woke up to a news story that caught me off guard. There had been a series of violent attacks against students who attend Urban Prep, an all-boys college preparatory high school here in Chicago. The network of schools has three campuses and boasts very impressive numbers in terms of graduating college-bound students. Its students must embrace a culture of mutual respect, accountability and nonviolence . So no doubt the basic premise of the report caused me to shake my head in dismay. For goodness sake, how disgraceful is it students on a path to be their best selves are targets of ruthless, loose aggression…every day?

As a mother of a soon to be high school student, I can’t begin to imagine how I would encourage my child to adhere to a school’s creed of being non-violent while bearing the brunt of fists. I’d be livid…not to mention frightened out of my mind. In fact, this acute fear has reached me on a personal level. Over the last few years, my children and their classmates who attend another network of Charter schools here in the city have faced similar incidents involving children from neighboring schools or who hang out in the area surrounding their schools. Thank God the incidents at my son’s middle school last year resulted in nothing more than a bruised jaw and ribs. That was mild in comparison to the many violent robberies of laptops that have happened, shootings at the high school. None of this initiated or provoked by the students.

So as a parent I completely identify with the outrage of the Urban Prep parents who want something done. One of the most attractive facets of charter schools is that parents’ voices are solicited and embraced. And these parents were not shy about voicing their concerns. Point blank they want their children to learn in peace; free from stress and worry of the long way home. Their children do not deserve to deal with this type of trauma. They expect community support including police presence to put an end to it all. More than that, though, they are willing to step up themselves.

That is a beautiful thing.

Still, there is an ugly side to all this…. a path that leads us back into the defeated cycle of failed community. And it is imperative that we fully examine and rectify every angle.

When I heard this story, what caught my attention more than anything was the reporter’s lead and characterization of the youthwho attacked the students. The reporter stated that the motive behind the attacks was the Urban Prep’s impressive academic reputation. I’m sorry, but I find that hard to believe. Other remarks followed describing the youth as gangs and thugs.

First of all, Urban Prep is a non-selective enrollment school (thank God for that, Chicago needs more schools that serve all its students equally with the expectation of success. But I digress). So there is nothing determining whether the children donning the Urban Prep uniforms are any smarter or any more proficient than those throwing fists. Nor was there any irrefragable proof that they all live in housing projects and belong to gangs (and which gang have deep seated rivalry with innocent school boys?)

When we allow media to frame our stories and direct our course of conversation, it reinforces stereotypes our community homologates about ourselves, especially concerning our youth.

The bottom line is this, for all who saw the movie Waiting for Superman, or for those who are living the movie; whether it be concerning decent education, housing or basic quality of life, we all are aware that the youth are the ones who suffer and it breeds a spirit of anger and resentment when for no other reason than socio-economics you are left out by design.

What thought process goes into building a shiny new school in an area surrounded by devastation while neglecting to do any community outreach and engagement? What were the expectations of dressing students up in crisp uniformed suits to walk with heads high amongst those who can only look low for loose change and lost hope? I ask again what was expected?

Too often we want to walk among the community, but not with the community. Community is not a neighborhood. It is not only about geographical boundaries. It is about common goals, shared values, thought or communicative exchange.

So now today parents and school officials must scramble to do what is absolutely necessary given the initial dilatory negligence.

See, we must understand the children at Urban Prep are there but for one reason, they have advocates. Either their parents, grandparents, neighbor, mentor or church family is making sure they have every opportunity to keep them eligible for fair play in the game of life. This does not make them any better than the children who reside in the nearby public housing, nor the ones who used to live there before their respective families were forcefully evicted, yet they still come back to the old ‘hood misdirected.

No. None of our children are better than the other, save but the grace of God they could switch places at any moment.

They have more in common than we would like to believe. And I would affirm they are all capable of greatness. They all have the potential to excel. Every one of them needs love and guidance. They all need model standards and mentors.

So what are we going to do about our youth…about our babies? Because at the end of the day, you can proceed ahead believing that your child is better than a child based on your income level or the fact that their parents are recipients of section 8. You can believe your nephew is promised a bright shining future because he attends the best ranking school in the nation. But, here is the reality check chickens come home to roost. So you can build up the few to fall to the many.

Here’s my two cents.

Hold community meetings and symposiums with the COMMUNITY; you provide resources like mentoring opportunities for neighborhood youth; job opportunities or free legal advice

Open the gym for basketball tourneys

Host peer mentor session partnering students w/community youth

Our view of the world is only as good as our point of reference. How we choose to view our youth will tell us for sure what our tomorrow holds. Are they all either good or ghetto? Perhaps they are either nerd or thugs? Is every at risk child an incorrigible monster destined to fail?

The Interrupters, a Sundance Film offers a clear view of solutions. Watch it and use as a beginning to address this issue in your city.

Fixing the broken reality of a few is akin to bandaging an open gunshot wound. You get the picture?

Closing Catherine Ferguson Academy: Robbing the Cradle of Hope & Promise Part II

It seems like this story has been written for us since we were forced upon the shores of these United States of America. A grotesque picture book with chapter and verse depicting African men, who before being sold away or savagely beaten to death, granted only the freedom to breed Black children with the African women that would be left alone. The story, ripe with illustrations of these women held hostage by the sweet pain of mothering past loneliness-struggling to survive the harshest realities, the umbra of birthing babies void of hope.

Seems like the story was a grand mastermind of intentional design…and today the story lives on, yet told in epic portrayal.

So I instantaneously connected to that story when I began seriously contemplating the fate of Catherine Ferguson Academy in Detroit, a school for teen mothers and their children. To catch up on the struggle of CFA, read my previous post. But as I was saying, CFA is a school for teen mothers and their small children. We know from any evening news broadcast, the whereabouts of the fathers are highly likely behind prison walls and in detention centers, the new American plantation.We know this because our tragically failing education system disproportionately cripples our children, driving our boys into the prison pipeline and our girls into teen pregnancy and welfare dependency.

A hopeless cycle that has repeated itself unto our community so many times it has become the norm for too many across the African Diaspora. And so it is in Detroit. Yet, when vested and progressive educators got back to the basics, enhancing core curriculum by teaching economic development, agriculture and farming; honing affirmative parenting skills; encouraging breastfeeding (as we know the nutritional and research-based cognitive and sociological benefits this provides both mother and child); the results have stagnated the cycle of destitution and dependency. Now that the village of Catherine Ferguson Academy has found a way to slowly reverse a generational legacy of teenage pregnancy and dropout rates that buoy functional illiteracy, the system that created the “grand mastermind of intentional design” is interrupting progress and success.

Threatening the school with closure.

Now, granted not all Black girls are experience teen pregnancy or consider dropping out of high school. Many flourish, from being recognized as the brightest in their class to being accepted into distinguished universities to receiving Gates Scholarships. And so it may be very easy to separate the girls in our family on our block from those attending CFA. Maybe…

CFA girls and others like them may live a harsh life that when glanced at seem perpetuated by bad choices. However, we know inherently these are our little sisters…and we know their children are our children and future. What they become has strong implications on our community. We also know what plays out at CFA, is but a microcosm of the greater plan (call me a conspiracy theorist) to destruct the moral fabric and cultural fortitude that are implicit in our contributions to this country, and moreover the world. So much is invested in exacerbating vicious cycle of poverty and culpability to government. Many pockets are lined from the devastation of the poor. Jailhouses are built with the poor in mind, grants are written to big foundations, checks cut to lobby for the vices of the poor (tobacco, alcohol, gambling,). Poor people are preyed upon for the almighty green dollar. No question.

WHERE IS THE LOVE?

But here is where I become angry and a sinister dread hangs in my spirit. It is because of the obvious silence, or dare I say total disregard, in relation to the struggle of poor black girls by other Blacks.

Now, the Black community turned Jena Louisiana into a Mecca for the quest of justice when Back boys were damned into the bowels of a racist judicial system deep in the heart of Dixie. I was right there, so I know how we chartered buses, posse’d up our motorcycle clubs, and stepped into the fight with our sorority sisters and frat brothers. We braved KKK deep back roads to free our boys. Let us not forget the countless public voices that gave their platform to rally the community and urge us to keep up the fight. No proof or discernment was necessary. We fought the good fight.

Add to countless times we have swooped in to rally around Black boys in trouble. The Tookie’s and Genarlow’s and Troy’s.

I can even point out the cries of anguish as black boy after black boy is gunned down in our inner city streets. We cry hard when we’ve lost our fearless warriors. Oscar, Sean, Derrion, Amadou.

When we are threatened to lose our Black boys, we lose our collective minds. And this is as it should be.

Yet, on the other side of that, why is it, that the squalid life prospects we are losing our sisters to only renders us silent.

Where is the outrage? Yes, we hold a few conferences and have intellectual intercourse over subjects from films like Precious and Colored Girls. We wax poetic when a verbal injustice is done to our revered celebrity sisters. And we seem to come alive in all our fiery colorfulness if we discuss domestic violence of a high profile sister.

So why can’t we muster a single sentence or tweet or Facebook status or magazine spread for the sisters among us who struggle with some very real shit every single day of their young lives? How cheap do we play ourselves, and these sisters, who if not by the grace of God we could be sitting in their shoes. The little sisters at Catherine Ferguson Academy and ghettos across the country, Black girls like me and you, are living straight out of the Good Times theme song. Keeping their heads above water. Water that in their lives is a cesspool of abuse, broken hearts, hopelessness, neglect, welfare, toxic and temptation of cigarettes and alcohol, debris from failed education systems, and all the dank funk of poverty.

I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that CFA being a village of promise, where young mothers are given the tools to become self-sufficient with a vision of the future, is set to close yet I’ve not read or seen a single mention across my social networks dedicated to this issue. Is it because no one cares? Or have we too lost hope for our girls. But how can we? We’ve seen this story before… we know Maya Angelou, poor teen mother without a father for her child, high school drop out. We know Oprah, molested as a teen and left pregnant. What hope did they have…who pulled them along?

Our living legends give us a dazzling example as proof that the future can be bright for these girls, who among their alumna has produced doctors and PhD students. Let us not dim it by ignoring the present fight that we must engage. It is the responsibility of us all to put on the full armor. Put some gloss and add real shine to our lip service. Save Catherine Ferguson Academy. Save our community!

So I know the reason is not that there is no love for poor Black girls. It has to lie in that I am just not connected to the right folks in my virtual network. It’s simply because I have not reached you, but now that this has made its way to you…please take it personal. Catherine Ferguson Academy needs you to see the connection it has to you.

We need action! Many are gathering for a protest rally at the school today. Still, others around the country can support from afar. Sign the petition. Spread the word. Write letters to congressman and legislator, Detroit city officials and Detroit Public School administrators.

Beyond this travesty, let us please make meaningful connections to our little sisters in the struggle, before they ever believe they can walk a college campus. Join the National Cares Mentoring Movement in your city. Volunteer at a public school in your area. Invite a group from a girls’ home to lunch with you and your colleagues at work. We have more work to do. Need to add some shine to our lip service. For real!

Closing Catherine Ferguson Academy: Robbing the Cradle of Hope & Promise

NOTE: This post has been updated since its initial posting.

 

Here’s your friendly announcer, I have serious news to pass on to everybody. What I’m about to say, could mean the world’s disaster… could change your joy and laughter to tears and pain…” Stevie Wonder-Love’s in Need of Love

I’m so feeling Mr. Wonder on that, cause this piece here, more than anything I’ve ever took pen to, needs to get your attention. In past weeks I’ve seen sister bloggers and academicians  go hard to defend Beyonce and Rhianna’s respective artistic and creative prerogative.  Then too, there’s been much commentary clouding the internet with the age-old dark-skinned vs. light-skinned schism.

Even still, Black-focused magazines have posted countless pictures of Halle Berry and little Nahla, they’ve got really adorable piccs of JHud cuddling with her baby. They’ve spent loads of bandwidth flaming trite, yet popular discussions.

Alas, like Stevie sang, my news announcement is not fluffy and pretty. Nope, I’m here to interrupt the beauty salon flow and girlfriend rhetoric, boldy stating it is time to stop and desist with the mindless chatter. Though passionate and definitely tied to some serious “issues,” it is time to reshape our girl talk.

We can start by getting familiar with the young sisters who attend Catherine Ferguson Academy in Detroit, a school for young mothers and their children which is on the brink of closing.  Repeat-the school, Catherine Ferguson Academy in Detroit, is schedule to close June 16, 2011.

I recently attended the screening for Grown in Detroit, a documentary examining the implications of a learning environment that promotes urban farming; taught healthy parenting skills (including benefits of breastfeeding); mandated college admission as a prerequisite to graduating; and encouraged self-sufficiency. That was just for the teen mothers.

Their babies are also attending the school in a nursery/preschool developmental center. If there were a tag cloud for this school the words would include nurture, belief, hope, persistence, resilience, tenacity, strong, open, energy, village, fresh, direction, counsel, practical, free.

It is such a powerful concept, everyone who attended the screening wanted to literally and figuratively plant it in every impoverished community. Obviously that has been the overwhelming sentiment of  folks who have seen/heard about CFA, as the school earned the Breakthrough High School award in 2004 given by the National Association of Secondary School Principals for outstanding achievement among schools with high poverty rates.

Even Oprah took note and featured the school in the April 2008 issue of O Magazine

So how could closing be the fate of this nucleus of hope and promise for many of Detroit’s most marginalized youth? Girls who dropped out of other Detroit Public schools now maintain a 90% attendance rate while at CFA, a notable feat as the school’s location requires many students to take 2 buses and travel more than one hour each way…with babies and strollers.

Young sisters who would otherwise be left discarded by society, have flourished in the village of CFA where they’ve been given the basic yet most important tools for success.

Yet it is scheduled to close this week. In two days from the posting of this blog. But, we can help save this school and the fate of these mothers and babies. This is where our lip service needs some real gloss.

In April, some of the students were arrested in the halls of CFA after silently protesting the closing.

Rachel Maddow has dedicated a significant portion of her MSNBC airtime to this travesty.

http://maddowblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/04/23/6517421-more-about-the-catherine-ferguson-academy

Let’s join her in using our voices to get folks moving to advocate for the children.For more information on what you can do to help save Catherine Ferguson Academy, call 855-ASK-BAMN or emaildonna.stern@bamn.com.

UPDATE: Catherine Ferguson Academy was saved from closing. Detroit Free Press reported on the decision and next steps.

Still let’s continue this discussion, we should begin building this very same model in our cities. Would you be down with that?

Stay posted for part II. I have much more to say on this.

Jumping the Broom: Landing on Mar(s)-riage

Hubby and I finally got a chance to go see Jumping the Broom. So much things to say, I hardly know where to begin. So, I’ll have to go into this piece like a multi-tiered wedding cake. And I warn you, there will be spoilers. (Although spoilers never stopped me from seeing for myself what happens). But you’ve been warned.

I must say, the first act had me a little perturbed and almost overshadowed my entire interest in the film. Let me note, I completely understand, that just like all genres of creative storytelling, many self-proclaimed and financed storytellers are not necessarily gifted in their chosen profession.  They do ‘aight. But literary or cinematic geniuses you obviously don’t have to be in order to have a box office hit. (Tyler Perry)

I mean, for crying out loud, is the working-class, Black family really synonymous with ignorance, cultural confinement, ebonic-laced tongues and malicious motives? And the safe assumption is that upper-crust Black families simply must have homes in the Hamptons, speak fluid French, have great appreciation for opera, detach themselves from Black cultural traditions and are righteous people, with the exception of financial indiscretions, who save the wayward.

And is it a stretch to believe there are healthy Black marriages where love is evident and sincere honor dominates?

This premise is what kept poking at me as I sat watching the plot thicken on screen. I couldn’t shake the irritation with the contrived and trite characters, so flat and one-dimensional, I kept hoping for more depth. Credits were rolling when I accepted that it was not to be.

Still, the movie was entertaining, though I wish they had allowed Mike Epps his comedic freedom. Everybody knows Angela Bassett’s acting can give a mop life and Loretta Devine’s passion is contagious. Notwithstanding the abundance of eye candy that kept me focused on the screen.

Needless to say, I got over my irritation and enjoyed the film after all.

As I mentioned, my husband and I saw the movie for our date night, something we’ve learned during these last ten years makes all the difference in our married life. Yep, we jumped the broom ten years ago, June 16, 2001. And while we will celebrate this milestone and all its infinite blessings, watching the characters grapple with many of the issues most couples deal with (finances, sex, family, professional advancement) I couldn’t help but be transported back in time.

Mr. and Mrs. Sewell jumping the broom June 16, 2001 (I had hops...lol)


Come to think of it, the intense focus on weddings this year has prompted me to go back to our beginnings (the inevitable wedding following the 8 year courtship and two babies, but I digress). Weddings have definitely been the major focus this year, what with the Brit family across the pond commandeering everyone’s attention with their opulent ceremony. Then too, I was a bridesmaid to one of my closest sister friends just a few months back. And I might add, her ceremony was just as royal as Kate and Willie’s soiree.

So this film, and everyday life, highlighted some very fundamental values and considerations people need to hold when building the foundation to a healthy marriage.

Here are a few truths that I have come to claim:

Cool kids…

Marriage is an institution, a serious partnership not to be entered in because your friends are all married, you are lonely, you want children, or you get drunk in Vegas. You are establishing a life that requires structure and emotional accountability; linking finances and visions. You have to be intentional about your love. Those vows are the bylaws that ensure the institution remains sound, viable AND profitable…in ways a checking account can never compare.

Power of love…

Love is the least of the things you’ll need to have a healthy marriage. Love is merely 40-50%. Now, let’s be clear. You should love your mate 100% all f the time. But that’s a mere fraction of the WORK!  Communication. Honor. Respect. Trust. Attraction. Sex. Patience. Encouragement. Humor. And Sex (I already said that right? Well, satisfying sex).

Grown Folks…

I love the scripture in the Bible, Genesis 2 and Ephesians 5: 25.

Marriage is for grown folks. If momma and daddy are still paying your bills and calling the shots in your life, you might need a little more time to develop in the real world, then give it a go.

Family Affair…

At the same time, be very clear, people are who they are in large part because of their family. Whether a huge clan or an only child, when someone detaches themselves fully from their family, it causes some hurt on all ends. Marry someone and make demands, trying to manipulate them so that they have limited interaction with their family, I guarantee a storm is brewing.

Beware of the person who has absolute disdain for their families. That is not healthy,

and you could be dealing with someone with serious, unresolved issues.

Happy ending…

Sometimes, when you’ve given it your all and then some more of your best, plus all of the prayer you have, you’ve got to deal realistically. In the film, the bride’s parents stayed in a lifeless and unfulfilling marriage. When you find vows flagrantly broken or you have dismissed your values, remember divorce is an option. I think it is more damaging to children to live in a household with false love than to live with divorced parents. Provide healthy examples, otherwise they believe dysfunction is normal.

And remember, the law requires court papers to make it official. You’ll need court papers to end it. It cannot be absolved by mere words or packing of bags. Ask Frankie Lymon’s widows.

Finally, there’s no way to put it better:

I Corinthian 13: 4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Lighting Unity Candle (another tradition) June 16, 2001

Life Always Using Sensationalism to Target Black Community

Today here in Chicago, Life Always is expected to unveil a 30-billboard campaign featuring President Obama’s face and the words “Every 21 minutes, our next possible leader is aborted.”

Life Always is planning to“launch” their sensational billboards this morning at 11 a.m. near vacant lot at 5812 S. State Street, here on the south side, a part of the city that is predominantly Black and densely impoverished.

Life Always is the same group responsible for the disgusting billboard in NYC that claimed “the most dangerous place for an African American is in the womb.” And  in ATL, their propaganda claimed “Black Children are an Endangered Species.”

These billboards are all tactics in this group’s concerted effort to silence and take away a woman’s right to choose.

Their tactic is to use guilt, misinformation, and limit reproductive justice. This fight may very well be used to perpetuate political interests and affect Roe v. Wade decision.

Much like activists in NYC and Sister Song in ATL, sisters and brothers in Chicago cannot allow Life Always to target our families with bombastic and exploitative messaging that incites fear and guilt, trivializes a complex and emotional human rights issue.

Today, a reproductive justice coalition will attend the press conference. I have also started a petition on Change. org

Please visit and sign the petition letting Life Always know their tactics do not support reproductive justice, human or civil rights, nor does it serve the best interest of Black and Latino communities.

We want to let Life Always know the African-American community does not welcome its exploitive and politically motivated billboards in any city of our nation.

We are demanding that Life Always cease and desist with its marketing scheme that uses sensational anti-abortion rhetoric to target Blacks and Latinos.

We do not want an influx of their billboards in NYC, Chicago, Dallas, LA, Atlanta, Detroit, Philadelphia, etc.

Please sign the petition and share with your friends and community. You should also contact Marissa Gabrysch at Life Always 210.617.0967 and share your outrage at these sensational billboard antics.

Stay tuned for updates and I’ll be live tweeting from press conference today, posting video and audio.

Driving While Black…The unlucky American reality

My family and I have spent this past Sunday being lazy and pretty much recuperating from my stepmother’s birthday celebration. As the day drew itself out and night rushed in, I realized I would not be cooking dinner. With it being All-Star weekend, I suggested my family of four go to Friday’s where we’d be able to eat and finish enjoying the game.

 

Afterwards, we were headed home in good spirits. But all was not that smooth, as I had to give my children their hourly reminder that sibling bickering and name-calling was absolutely inappropriate and against every spiritual law of family.  Deep into the discussion, I noticed a CPD unmarked detective’s car languishing on a side street about 2 miles away from our home.  in our neighborhood (where we CHOOSE to reside, you see a lot of those, yet the crime rate is ridiculously higher. One would presume more cops means less crime, but I digress).

 

At any rate, I instinctively got a small tug of anxiety and tenseness. After all, my husband was driving and for those of you who are unfamiliar with the scenario, something about a Black man driving after dark (well anytime, but surely if it is nightfall) alarms racist cops that this might be their lucky day. And the luck is certainly not on the Black hand side. All that to say, I was only mildly surprised when we were pulled over tonight. I became incensed when the pig comes up and demands ID without initially stating why we were pulled over. Furthermore, it was quite obvious when questioned about why we had been stopped,  he tried to intimidate and made up an obvious lie about a warrant. That is a bold-faced lie, my husband has NEVER been arrested, nor detained nor any criminal activity in his entire life! But on this night, my children became near hysterical as they witnessed their father falsely detained in the back of a police car, a place for criminals.

 

Next time you are out, count the number of drivers who are pulled over for “traffic stops.” Pay attention to the number of drivers asked to step out of their cars for such stops. Of those who are stopped, ask yourself what is the common factor? If that does not paint the picture for you, recall the lives of Latonya Haggerty, Robert Russ, Cornelius Ware, or even Sean Bell, Oscar Grant and the legions of others whose lives have been snuffed out over alleged probable cause.

It doesn’t matter what kind of car. The number of passengers, nor the very obvious fact that a man is driving his wife and children home will make any impression on the “officers.” There is an “us against them” mentality, and often times tax-paying, law-abiding citizens caught up in this game of numbers.

While in college, when my husband and I were home on school breaks, we drove everywhere in his Chevy Monte Carlo….nothing fancy, but def a popular car of the times. It was also a police magnet. I don’t have enough fingers to count the number of times we were pulled over, car seats ripped out, he and his friends searched. Never given a ticket (not like he was actually speeding or violating any traffic laws). Nobody ever hauled off to jail (not too much crime you can get into when everything you do is with family and close friends who all attend college with you). So what conclusion can we come to?

 

I’ve never been one to accept this assumption of power and authority inherent regarding most police forces. I’ve been a victim of police brutality myself too often, most memorable being slapped, arm twisted and handcuffed by an officer who was no less than 6ft tall 230lbs. All this as a 17yr. old who stood 5ft tall weighing 94lbs.  Not to mention the numerous occasions my teenage male friends were stopped and searched by police as we walked to/from the store or ran errands for our families. Some were standing on corners or sitting on our front porch. Only thing that deterred police from harassing them was another group of Black youth had caught their eyes first.

 

My past pushed me to understand my rights for myself and my community. I enrolled in more than 12 hours of criminal justice classes during my college career. I have always been involved in some capacity or another with groups who teach and advocate for social justice.

 

At the same time, I also speak out and work within my community to fight crime, even attending CAPS meetings or covering issues in my work. Nobody, regardless of race/affiliation gets a pass from me for wrongdoing and short-changing my community.

 

So it messes with me on a personal level when “officers of the law”  charged with protecting and serving, contrarily see their role to intimidate, and assume that we are all ignorant to our rights. Interrogating the very communities they should engage and partner with. How many police officers were shot and killed in recent months? Is there not a need  to befriend the community so that we can all keep each other safe?

 

Mayoral election day is here in Chicago, and there is a constant barrage of  campaign commercials where candidates laud their platform for more cops to combat the crime. Primarily I hear this from Rahm and Chico. What will be their directives? More racial profiling? More insensitive and detached detectives to harass Black citizens? More “justified” shootings by police?

Not only does our family live in Englewood, we own property. Our tax dollars pay the salaries for the very same racist cops who treat us as enemies. Crime is a reality everywhere. If it weren’t, police departments would not exist and cops would need a new career choice. At the same time, EVERYONE is not a criminal. If you approach your job with that outlook, the rapport you have with citizens will flourish. Trust will build and someday overshadow the historical justification for “no snitching” codes that are a detriment to our community and hamper closure to criminal cases.

 

Yet, if police keep conducting themselves as a gang and community terrorists, the level of empathy and community will further dissipate so that many will not find a sympathetic bone in their bodies when tragedy trumps honor.

 

That is the reality.

 

So we must ask of Weiss, Daley, Rahm, Chico and those who advocate for more officers: How can police effectively do their jobs serving the communities they work while turning from luck and embracing spiritual laws that always win?

 

Here’s something for Chicagoans to consider as you head out to vote for Mayor…

 

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-071205cops-htmlstory,0,2906787.htmlstory



Black History Month: Relevant or Unnecessary

Every year without fail, folks pose the preposterous question, “is Black History Month relevant?

Well…I could immediately begin lamenting the train of thought that leads one to pose that question. But I’d rather share a story with you.

Not so long ago, growing up on the low end of the south side of Chicago, my neighborhood was big on history. In fact, within a 20-block radius of our home on 49th and Michigan, it was nothing to pass through vibrant Black institutions. There was Baldwin Ice Cream Parlor where my cousins and I sat in their heart-shaped chairs and ate our favorite Bubble-gum filled ice cream. On our way to and from the family’s place of worship, Pilgrim Baptist Church; a historical institution itself, we passed the Supreme Life Insurance Building.  There were the public housing developments such as Robert Taylor and Ida B. Wells homes. And the elementary schools I attended, Anthony Overton and Walter H. Dyett Middle School, which similar to a majority of the other schools in the surrounding area were all named for courageous and pioneering Black Americans such as Mary C. Terrell, Bessie Coleman, Jean-Baptiste Pointe Dusable to name a few.

Funny thing about all that history on the low end is its significance was rarely directly imparted to us children, especially concerning the names of the schools we entered everyday. Back then those institutions and businesses stood as a backdrop to a decaying community where Pony cocaine packs littered the streets, neighborhood drunks became heroes, prostitutes turned tricks in vacant lots and schools named after greatness dealt in mediocre standards.

The only time we became remotely aware of the greatness that at one time thrived in our very neighborhood was during the 28 days of February. And even then, only a select few highlighted for us.

Today, that neighborhood is no longer the undesirable “low end” but in its gentrified state is referred to by a much more distinguished name, Bronzeville. There are actual history tours dedicated to showcasing all the landmarks and legacy there.

Considering how little the children who grew up there in the early 80s and 90s were collectively taught of the greatness we were born from, I can’t help but wonder how little of ourselves we would have known if not for Black History Month.

And that’s not the only relevance Black History Month has. Here’s a list in no particular order:

Cultural exchange…

The reality, outside of our own timelines, news and RSS feeds, nobody else is really talking about contributions of Blacks, at least not in any historical context. And with the exception of a few conscious minded Black folks and curious foreigners, the study of Black life and culture is hardly a major interest of whites.

Get your mind right….

So much superfluous chatter online and talk shows, in barber shops and hair salons, relegated to ice cream tattoos, Real Housewives and The Game drama, Twitter beefs, and all things pop culture. At least folks pay a little more attention to our heritage and legacy during February.

Return of investment (ROI)

Corporations and institutions who earn millions of dollars from their strategic marketing and psychological bait of Blacks, invests a small token of those earnings to diversity and cultural programming, much of it during BHM. Not to mention some of our grand award programs and specials would sorely miss the sponsorship dollars.

BHM pays the bills…

Many a Black freedom fighter, professor, author and otherwise self-proclaimed intellectual banks on the speaking engagement and panel appearances across the county. If not for the BHM circuit, most of them would never gain access to the level of mainstream exposure (paid gigs) they garner during February.

I see Black people…

PBS and Cable networks dedicate the entire month to feature Black films and culture, i.e. HBO Lackawanna Blues, What the Lord Made et al

New school…

In these times, schools don’t bear the names of historic figures that its scholars can relate to, but named for neighborhoods or corporate donors. Kids don’t even get to wonder or Google about the greatness over the doors they walk through daily.

The vision…

When Carter G. Woodson created first the week and later the month, the intent was to celebrate all the accomplishments of Black Americans. He had already devoted his life to the research and study of Black life, subsequently forming the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History. The month-long celebration is merely an extension.

Which is why I just don’t understand how some question its relevance. Are you ready to say farewell to Black History Month? Have we really overcome a time for celebrating our history?

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